Love yourself pt ii.

One of the problems with a statement like ‘love yourself’ is that it is difficult to know who you really are, let alone love whoever that is.

But before we go too much deeper into it, let’s start with the default position here. All of us here have strong feelings about ourselves one way or the other already. Whether you are happy with who you are or sad with who you are, you are still feeling something strong about yourself.

It’s a common thing for people to hate at least part of themselves, if not all.

When God created us, I’m concvinced that he thought we were ‘very good’ as it says in Genesis. We were created to loook after this planet, the garden and the animals, and do it for God’s glory : though I don’t think we would have known any different really, as God is described as walking with Adam in the garden of Eden during the cool of the evening breeze. That kind of relationship would be quite different to most of what we know in our Christian respective journeys.

And we probably wonder why we have been estranged from God.

Then the fall from paradise. The day we ate the fruit and evil entered this world. We were fractured from that point on. And while it might answer the problem of sin here, the real issue is not that we are dictated to by sin and it’s desires. No I suspect that the power of sin is granted when we dwell on our fallen state. Furthermore, other people can make or break us, they can crush us with their abuse and make us feel really bad.

And then we can feed ourselves with this misinformation and dwell on it, and most, though not all, but most addictions : Food, sex, gambling, shopping, chocolate : can be symptoms of a deeply broken state.

Upshot of it all is that we feel bad about ourselves. Some alcoholics put on a brave face. Everything’s ok. Some will want us to believe that they are in control. Part of me thinks that the drive for alcoholism comes from being out of control in life, so being able to use a substance to change the way they feel gives them a false control : until the headache comes on, but then, they were still in control of that.

I think it’s the same with shopping. Some people are addicted to it, and I think it’s because they gain a sense of control over life again. Life might be too difficult relationally, that the best way to gain control is through spending, or acquiring the coolest stuff to gain kudos for taste. Looking good makes you feel confident.

Being addicted to food is often a comfort oriented thing. People compensate for depression by eating more. It provides them with security and makes them feel safe.

But in these things there are some more sinister realities. Anorexia is a mental health issue that is often closely tied to low self esteem. It’s a subconscious way of punishing yourself for being so worthless.

Suicide often appears on one level to be a cry of despair, but usually it’s an ironic cry for help. It’s exerting the most control of the situations around the person that they can think of. That’s why the suicide note. The last gasp for a voice.

We all inhabit these stories of our lives. These narratives that we look back on. We can interpret the past so positively and gloss over the negative, or vice versa. We can interpret how people are responding to us through our own lenses, squeezing everything to fit into our own stories and subplots.

Some of you might be thinking that I’m tailoring this sermon especially for you! I’m not, but I doubt you heard that.

Often we hear people who say things to us that conflict with who we think we are : “gosh you’re good at that” is reinterpreted as “they obviously don’t really know me”.

And we carry these stories, these micro-plots about ourselves throughout our lives and expect life to fit them. We, especially in New Zealand, don’t want to be seen as great so we’ll put ourselves down. This is not humility. This is not self love. This is self deprecation and is actually, I think, as bad as pride. [slide]

And I am here.

I think that we are afraid of saying how good we are at something. So I’ll go out on a limb here to illustrate the dynamic. I’m a good preacher. I preached well this morning.

First of all, some of you think that’s arrogant. You might think it’s proud. It’s not. I did preach well. If this is the fact, then why can it not be stated? I would suggest that because I can’t be explicit about it myself, that I’m then driven subconsciously to require people to validate my feelings about it. If humility is true and accurate representation of ourselves, then surely that can include the things we are good at.

If I had said though, I’m so good in fact, I’m better than so and so, I think you might be allowed to think I’m being arrogant. That I think would be pride. It’s sourced in the same insecurity as the self put down, because it’s putting someone else down. It’s a reaction to an internal deficit. It’s a cover up.

Whichever way we go here, there are cover ups. Sometimes we feel so bad about ourselves that we jump onto the criticisms before they come; other times we feel so bad that we try and cover up for it, or shift blame.

I think humility is the result of loving yourself. It’s allowing us to be strong and weak, to be complete, warts and all. It allows us to identify our weaknesses and work on them, it allows us to identify our strengths and run with them. And you know what? Humility let’s God into our lives.

Now, lets give it a go.

Say something you’re good at to someone next to you.

Right-o, how did you feel?

Here’s how it works, right from the bible with Jesus’ example.

Philippians 2:3–11.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves.

Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others.

Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness. And being found in human form, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death—even death on a cross.

Therefore God also highly exalted him and gave him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bend, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

This is the upside down kingdom that Jesus talks so much about, the first become last, the last become first, the kingdom of heaven belongs to the poor. If you puff yourself up you’ll come crashing down. The worst of people are lifted up.

Think about the stories in the gospels, zacchaeus, the woman caught in adultery, Peter just to name a few. The centurion’s daughter.

Do we understand it? Humility is being resotred to a right understanding of ourselves. And that happens when we allow our pride to be put to one side.

Pride will motivate us to do the darkest things. Gain as much wealth, put other people down, view others as your tools of success, score as many chicks as you can, enslave others, be racist, demonise people, gossip, slander and backstabbing. If it feels good do it! You might think.

It might drive you to succeed in some areas, but at what cost? Pride does not build quality relationships.

Pride wants to control others, stop them hurting us, stop them being more powerful than us.

I want to suggest that the story of the Bible provides a counter-narrative, another story, another framework for us to live in. but in order for it to have a profound impact on us, we need to acknowledge the stories we have already constructed about our realities.

And the counter narrative is this.

You are worth it to him. You are worth dying on the cross for. You are worth redeeming. You are worth fighting for. You might not think so, but the very act of Jesus on the cross says that you are. Do you understand this?

So in our situation is this. We sin, and we are proud, and we put ourselves down and we do this because of our deficiencies, we do this because we are weak inside, crushed, damaged, whatever, but we do it and there is one person who stands against those feelings and says “NO! I disagree! I died and rose so that you might have life and have it abundantly! Your story is not the end. There is more to it than this. Let me in and I’ll do the business. This life can and will be better, because hand in my hand, you’ll know who you are and how you fit in.”

You are worth it to him!

But here’s the crunch. The sermon could end there and we might feel like there’s hope. But it would be a false hope. The fact is that, although Jesus provides a beautiful counter-narrative, we still want to tell ourselves the same old lies.

And we live in this constant tension between what we claim to be and what Jesus thinks of us. It’s a battle and it’s really hard at times.

One of the best things for me has been to see a counsellor to help me through some difficult problems. Let me tell you how that works.

Don’t be afraid of seeking help. You are worth it.

If we cannot love ourselves, then it’s not that we can’t love other people, but that so many things can get in the way of it.

And I leave the last word to Paul as he wrote in the letter to the Romans:

Romans 12:3 I say to everyone among you not to think of yourself more highly than you ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.

As a response tonight…